Lets meet the candidates.
President Dmitry Medvedev:
President Placeholder will not be running. He's entirely eligible to run for another term, having only served 1 four year term since he took over from Putin in 2008, when he immediately appointed Putin as prime minister and changed the constitution in order to increase term limits, paving the way for Putin to run again. Essentially, he's Putin's sock puppet.
Czar Vladimir Putin:
Ex-KGB, Ex-president, ex-prime minister, and soon to be president again, Putin has been the centre of power in Russia since 1999 and looks to continue in that role until 2025. He's polling at 55%, which believe it or not, is utterly dreadful in a Russian "election". Medvedev took office with more than 70% of the vote. Democracy is new, okay? They're still getting the hang of it.
Comrade Gennady Zyuganov
Leader of the Communist Party, Zyuganov is the only surviving leader of "opposition" and, tragically, the only viable alternative to Putin. He wishes to restore the motherland to the heady days of pre-Gorbachev socialism, he whiles the days away in a boozy fog broken only by fits of uncontrolled sobbing for what has become of beloved mother Russia. He's polling at 10%, which means either people are so desperate to be free of Putin's tyranny that they would embrace the ghost of Iron Gromyko. That or there's still enough old schoolers with a hard on for Communist dominance around.
Sergey Mironov
The leader of socialist leaning Fair Russia party, he's like the Bill Clinton of Russia. He's allowed to be nominated in this election because he's party is about to collapse and he has no chance of winning. He's polling at 5%
Colonel Vladimir Zhirinovsky
One angry mother fucker. Leader of the Lib Dem party. A war hawk, anti-muslim orthodox fundamentalist. He should probably be running in the GOP primaries. He's polling at 8% in Russia, but could probably sweep Super Tuesday in the US with those values.
"Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men's attention." - Vladimir Zhirinovsky
and finally...
Mikhail Prokhorov
Mr Big! A russian born billionaire and owner of the New Jersey Nets NBA team. He's one of the 40 richest men in the world and has just decided it's time to rule a country. He has just resigned from the "puppet Kremlin party" he helped to found and is now standing as an independent. Lets see what power money can buy in Russia. He'll probably be enjoying a polonium-210 daiquiri by the end of the year. He's polling at 6%, but represents actual revolution in Russia if he can get a little traction.
We may loathe the power broking and back stabbing soap opera of the Labor Party, and the relatively obnoxious knucklethuggery of Abbott's Liberal mob. We may tire of the long and drawn out election process in those United States. But one thing's for sure... thank rockstar-buddy Jesus we don't live in Russia.
