Visit to the bathroom

sook · Post by **sook** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:11 pm

Got transferred to the second bathroom by the wife because a turtle head was pushing its way out, sure sign of a brewer.

Took it out: this involves a number of pushing and groaning which is the worst part of the whole deal (I have had a shit pushed out before that went just below left knee) and today because of the size of the shit it was it was excruciating pain. I pushed the head into the tip of the bowl and I learned what real excruciating pain was! Nearly jumped to the fucking ceiling.

So, I pushed the bastard out. Now piled in the bowl I could see what I had for breakfast yesterday. Then came the burning and the wiping. It smelled like Monks house! Never smelled it before now, but then again today it was near the tip of my nose!

The stinker was in pieces, seven of them!

When I got up and looked at the bowl it looked like Monk after feeding: brown with traces of corn!

I ask what would happen if I didn't get out. Apparently you end up spending your retirement on political forums where you excrete it differently to normal folks

Neferti · Post by **Neferti** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:55 pm

sook wrote:Got transferred to the second bathroom by the wife because a turtle head was pushing its way out, sure sign of a brewer.

Took it out: this involves a number of pushing and groaning which is the worst part of the whole deal (I have had a shit pushed out before that went just below left knee) and today because of the size of the shit it was it was excruciating pain. I pushed the head into the tip of the bowl and I learned what real excruciating pain was! Nearly jumped to the fucking ceiling.

So, I pushed the bastard out. Now piled in the bowl I could see what I had for breakfast yesterday. Then came the burning and the wiping. It smelled like Monks house! Never smelled it before now, but then again today it was near the tip of my nose!

The stinker was in pieces, seven of them!

When I got up and looked at the bowl it looked like Monk after feeding: brown with traces of corn!

I ask what would happen if I didn't get out. Apparently you end up spending your retirement on political forums where you excrete it differently to normal folks

Dear Mr/Ms Sook,

This is a very interesting article and you have done an extremely good job of explaining your disposition. However, I feel that our current readers would not appreciate your frankness. I believe there is a relatively new publication that accepts this type of article. The owner can be contacted at (address and website not disclosed).

Good luck

Cleo

sook · Post by **sook** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:58 pm

Wait till I crap out my apricot marmalade

I'll take some pictures for the forum

Neferti · Post by **Neferti** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:02 pm

sook wrote:Wait till I crap out my apricot marmalade

I'll take some pictures for the forum

My Editor says he wants pictures of FLOWERS. Can you do that? Sorry that the article about turtles wasn't accepted.

regards,

Cleo

boxy · Post by **boxy** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:09 pm

Where's Swarmi, when he's needed

Aussie · Post by **Aussie** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:16 pm

boxy wrote:Where's Swarmi, when he's needed

Ha!

Neferti · Post by **Neferti** » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:17 pm

Dear Sook,

I just had a revelation. Instead of flowers how about nose jobs? I believe that a VIP (his perception) recently had half his nose removed due to some sunspot or something. Check whether this person is of interest or just a whining pleb. Must be photogenic. Otherwise, deal off.

regards,

Cleo

skippy · Post by **skippy** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:51 am

sook wrote:Got transferred to the second bathroom by the wife because a turtle head was pushing its way out, sure sign of a brewer.

Took it out: this involves a number of pushing and groaning which is the worst part of the whole deal (I have had a shit pushed out before that went just below left knee) and today because of the size of the shit it was it was excruciating pain. I pushed the head into the tip of the bowl and I learned what real excruciating pain was! Nearly jumped to the fucking ceiling.

So, I pushed the bastard out. Now piled in the bowl I could see what I had for breakfast yesterday. Then came the burning and the wiping. It smelled like Monks house! Never smelled it before now, but then again today it was near the tip of my nose!

The stinker was in pieces, seven of them!

When I got up and looked at the bowl it looked like Monk after feeding: brown with traces of corn!

I ask what would happen if I didn't get out. Apparently you end up spending your retirement on political forums where you excrete it differently to normal folks

Super Nova · Post by **Super Nova** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:58 am

There you go. An excellent example of why IQ's posts are worth a laugh.

Maybe the Monk could copy the style. It would make his twitterblog a much better read.

Neferti · Post by **Neferti** » Thu Sep 22, 2011 12:54 pm

I agree. You should post more like this IQ. Very funny.

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