Ask Swami

[Swami Dring]

Dear Mr Swami

I need to get my roof repainted and sealed. It will cost ~ $2K. What is the fastest way I can rabble up this money?

Thanking you in advance

Darth Revan

Two grand to paint and seal your roof?!

What do you live in? A letterbox?

[Swami Dring]

Dear Swarmi,

Have you found a solution to the disturbing problem of toilet bowl splashback?

Funny you should mention that.

My current toilet is the worst, Boxy, the worst.

After flushing the other day, my hand was on the light switch and a glob of unholy soup hit my thumb!

A full four or five feet above sea level! I was fucking outraged and sickened.

The lid is the only solution, but who can remember to use it after decades of not using it?

[Swami Dring]

And swami, what path should be taken to find true enlightenment?

Ah so.

First I shall require a definition of true enlightenment.

I am confident, however, that the answer in some way involves dim sims.

[Swami Dring]

Swami, did you know Guest posting is now working?

Good for posting! That will be good for his self-esteem.

[Swami Dring]

Dear Swarmi,

Have you found a solution to the disturbing problem of toilet bowl splashback?

On second thoughts, you are probably referring to the ker-plunk type splashback.

Silly me. My own toilet woes have addled my judgement.

Toilet paper and lots of it. Fuck the trees and the forests and the hippies and fill that bowl with paper before the main event.

Another good trick is to employ a half-flush before festivities begin so as to wet the bowl. This will at least minimise, but usually eliminate the dreaded bowl-skiddies and the god-awful brush. It should always be used in conjunction with the mercy-flush. (Mid-crank you should be hitting the full-flush button.)

[JW Frogen]

Dear Swami,

How do I get a human torso down my toilet drain without arousing the suspicion of my neighbor’s rats?

And how long is a missing wife missing before she is considered legally out of the way?

[Chumm]

Dear Swami,

How do I get a human torso down my toilet drain without arousing the suspicion of my neighbor’s rats?

And how long is a missing wife missing before she is considered legally out of the way?

Just be sure not to call the plumber if your pipes become clogged.

[JW Frogen]

Just be sure not to call the plumber if your pipes become clogged.

I could kill him too but then where would I put his body?

Is this why Hannibal just ate them?

[boxy]

Congrats of hooking one, Swarmi

But why the marriage in this day and age, where defacto relationships are just as effective, legally?

[JW Frogen]

Because Boxy marriage is not a business deal, there is no such thing as an "effective" marriage, it is not a moonlight night with a sheep you will shear in the morning; marriage is a Dionysian-love-fest.

At least at the start.

Marriage requires ceremony.

And booze, lots of booze.