Ask Swami

[Swami Dring]

Dear Mr Swami

I want to put a new deck on my house, but don't want to pay for it. Are you able to get the backyard blitz team to do it for me for free?

Thanking you in advance

Darth Revan

Yes. I am able.

[Swami Dring]

What will you name your first child?

Children?

What?!

There will be no children. They sicken me.

However, I think "Trouser" would be a nice name for a boy. Trou for short, what?

"July", pronounced like the month, is also a groovy name for a boy or a girl.

[Oliver Nickezoff]

Dear Swami,

Do you have a remedy for stress-induced acne? Stress reduction is not an option at this stage, but I have had toothpaste recommended. I'm not sure if I'm meant to eat it or apply it.

Tea Tree Oil! (applied)

[AiA in Atlanta]

Swami, I have this covered up hole in my stomach. Is that something I should be concerned about? I am very sure no poo was involved.

If you are referring to your recent colostomy Aussie, poo is definently involved as your feces leaves your body through the hole in your stomach. Swami cannot help you with the colostomy (its not his bag) but he may recommend you to join the Colostomy Club because there aren't any assholes there.

[donniedarko]

Dear Mr Swami

I need to get my roof repainted and sealed. It will cost ~ $2K. What is the fastest way I can rabble up this money?

Thanking you in advance

Darth Revan

[boxy]

Dear Swarmi,

Have you found a solution to the disturbing problem of toilet bowl splashback?

[Rainbow Moonlight]

And swami, what path should be taken to find true enlightenment?

[JW Frogen]

And swami, what path should be taken to find true enlightenment?

I can answer that, forget the word true, because that has more to do with you, than true, and if you can not get rid of you, you can not be true, yabba dabba do.

[Guest]

Swami, did you know Guest posting is now working?

[Swamii]

Poo