Ask Swami

[freediver]

I've found washing my hair to be the best acne prevention. I still get it occasionally if I don't shampoo my hair, especially after sport - I think because the sweat flushes all the grease from your hair onto your face.

[Aussie]

Swami, I have this covered up hole in my stomach. Is that something I should be concerned about? I am very sure no poo was involved.

[Hebe]

Perhaps you've been shot by Mrs Palin the beauty queen.

[AiA in Atlanta]

What is it with men who go into the stall to pee when there are a dozen empty urinals at their disposal?

[donniedarko]

Dear Mr Swami

I want to put a new deck on my house, but don't want to pay for it. Are you able to get the backyard blitz team to do it for me for free?

Thanking you in advance

Darth Revan

[Rainbow Moonlight]

What will you name your first child?

[Swami Dring]

Swami,

Aussie's obsession with IQSRLOW interrupted his and the Indian's Bride coitus. Now the Bride shows no signs of resuming and Aussie's manly heedless urges are going unfulfilled. What should he do?

He should take the situation in hand, like all married men do. Or so I'm told.

Either that or smack his bitch up.

[Swami Dring]

Dear Mr Swami,

Should people like this be allowed to travel?

"Woman goes down airport baggage chute

Posted Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:09pm AEST

An elderly woman misunderstood instructions while checking in at Sweden's main airport and was whisked down a baggage chute after she placed herself instead of her luggage on the belt, media reported.

The 78-year-old woman, who was not named, was preparing to fly from Stockholm's Arlanda airport to Germany on Tuesday when she lay down on an unmanned baggage belt in the belief she was following check-in instructions, the Upsala Nya Tidning local daily reported on its website.

She was quickly swept off to the baggage handling centre, where staff members helped get her back on her feet."

She should not be allowed to travel, nor to live.

But I will allow her to live only if she competes and wins an episode of "Wipeout".

[Swami Dring]

Dear Swami,

Do you have a remedy for stress-induced acne? Stress reduction is not an option at this stage, but I have had toothpaste recommended. I'm not sure if I'm meant to eat it or apply it.

If you really want to get nasty on yo acne's ass, nothing beats antibiotics. They will tear your acne a new one.

pHisohex face wash is good stuff.

Tea tree oil is ok, if you want to treat it hippy-style.

[Swami Dring]

What is it with men who go into the stall to pee when there are a dozen empty urinals at their disposal?

I use a cubicle, but only if the bodna bay is occupied and I'm desperate. Urinals are an insult to the dignity of men.

Would women use a urinal? A communal piss-trough? Not a chance. And nor will I.

Also, I have recently begun sitting to piddle at home. Especially in the morning when I'm still tired and half asleep. Why stand when I can sit? Plus it ensures no mess on the floor should one have a crusty, jizzy helmy messing with the accuracy.