Joke of the Day

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It's such a fine line between stupid and clever. Random guest posting.
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Neferti
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Neferti » Tue Jul 12, 2016 3:32 pm

Hot off the "press" (i.e.just received via email). :mrgreen:

Dad,

I am coming home to get married soon, so get out your check book. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.

As you know, I am in Australia ... and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook , had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.

My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.

Lots of love and thanks.

Your favorite daughter,
Lilly


THE RESPONSE

My Dear Lilly,

Like Wow! Really? Cool!

Whatever ... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.

Love,
Your Dad
:rofl

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Super Nova
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Location: Overseas

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Super Nova » Mon Aug 08, 2016 2:25 pm

Always remember what you post, send or do on the internet is not private and you are responsible.

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Black Orchid
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Black Orchid » Fri Aug 19, 2016 10:09 pm

This has been around for awhile but I saw it again tonight and cracked up :rofl


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Black Orchid
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Black Orchid » Fri Aug 19, 2016 10:12 pm

And another one ...


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Neferti
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Neferti » Mon Sep 05, 2016 8:19 am

Disturb.jpg

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Neferti
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Neferti » Mon Sep 05, 2016 8:20 am

Indicator.jpg

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Neferti
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Neferti » Mon Sep 05, 2016 8:21 am

Dinner.jpg

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Neferti
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Neferti » Mon Sep 05, 2016 8:23 am

Cleaning.jpg

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Neferti
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Neferti » Fri Nov 04, 2016 2:15 pm

LIFE FROM THE SEAT OF A TRACTOR! :mrgreen:

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered....not yelled.

Meanness don't just happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timin' has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly,

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

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