Joke of the Day

[Neferti]

Retired Person's Perspective

1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably very unhappy.

4. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.

5. I don't like making plans for the day. Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

6. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.

7. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

8. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan?

9. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.



Old age is not as bad as I thought. It's a good feeling when you just don't give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.

[Neferti]

Age.gif

[Neferti]

This is not a joke ... more a fwd thing I got via email, interesting.

This is one of the most fascinating forwards I've ever received. This incredible use of technology is like traveling back in time!

Directions: Just click on the photo anywhere and it will become 2014. Click again and it will go back to 1944; or you can left click and hold on each photo, and then drag your mouse gently from left to right on the original photograph and it will be become a photo of the exact same location and view in 2014. Drag it back to the left and you are back in 1944!

Scroll down for more of the same

http://interactive.guim.co.uk/embed/201 ... l?ww2-dday

[Super Nova]

Now, I found this at OzPol. is anyone here offended by this image?



No different to my Avatar don't you think?

[Neferti]

Your avatars are "imaginative", Super Nova. I haven't tried fiddling around with that stuff. What program do you use? I could perhaps have a fiddle.

Some people are "offended" by the slightest thing.

Children of 4-6 get "offended" by being "left out" or not "winning" the prize ... but they eventually "make amends" and work it out between themselves.

Then they go to school and have the Leftard teachers tell them that the ARE ALL VERY SPECIAL as the entire class is ......... Blue ribbons for ALL .... can't have kids learning to compete or crying because the did NOT WIN .......

Bullying? I my day you just gave the same back and that was the end of it. Now kids hang themselves because somebody called them a "slut" on Facebook.

I guess it WILL eventually sort out those that survive and those that will not .... but if it is your kid ............

Where do we go from here?

[Super Nova]

[Rorschach]

Man seeing Doctor asks is there any way to know or check if his wife is going deaf.
Dr replies, well you could try asking her a question from different distances and see if and when she reponds.
Oh ok good, I'll try that he says.

He gets home calls out Hi Honey I'm home, whats for dinner?
No reply.
He steps in the kitchen sees his wife across the room cooking.
He calls out Hi Honey I'm home, whats for dinner?
No reply.
He gets closer
He calls out Hi Honey I'm home, whats for dinner?
No reply.
He gets close enough to touch her shoulder.
He calls out Hi Honey I'm home, whats for dinner?
She turns around and says... for the fourth time... we are having meatloaf and vegetables, what are you... deaf?

[Super Nova]

Your avatars are "imaginative", Super Nova. I haven't tried fiddling around with that stuff. What program do you use? I could perhaps have a fiddle.

Where do we go from here?

I do all my avatars in Microsoft Paint. can you believe it.

it can be hard work so you have to really think about how to do it with minimum effort. Almost to the point of designing what you are going to do based on it's limits. (in your mind)

Not interested in buying something for just the avatars here.

Go to paint. If you want a lesson, I can give you one here.

Avatars using Paint - 1-0-1 Workshop -SN techniques

Also I can add only by popular demand - Using paint to doctor posting screenshots so they are forensically perfect. That is a special skill I worked out and really simple.

[Neferti]

Microsoft Paint!!!

I still use a free program called Lviewpro to resize photos and so forth. VERY simple to use. Sent to me (via email) way back (1996) by some bloke called Howie in Wales. I wouldn't touch anything you find on the Net with that name though.

[boxy]

Irfanview is also free. It's no photoshop, but enough for avatars and basic image manipulation.