Joke of the Day

[Super Nova]

[Neferti]

Irish Job Interview

Murphy applied for a fork lift operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test together and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men were told they had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job".

Murphy. "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, surely I should get the job".

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong".

Murphy, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another"?

Manager "Simple; on question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down, 'I don't know.'

You put down, 'Neither do I.' "

[Neferti]

The Germans know how to advertise.

[Neferti]

Go on, S.M.I.L.E. at least.

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHESPASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
You'll be a lot happier and live longer!

[Neferti]

Here is a Christmas joke. Been around many times before, I think, but I only got it today and worth another giggle.

Timmy's Christmas Letter

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 6 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

***********************************

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. I am a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. I wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

******************************************

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "Naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

**************************************

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well, that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court.

Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

************************************

Now look here, Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHATEVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

*******************************************

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake." Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

**************************************

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

Timmy

*************************************

Timmy,

That's what I thought, you little bastard.

Santa

[Super Nova]

[Super Nova]

[Super Nova]

[Super Nova]

[Black Orchid]

I can't single out the video. Stupid woman ...

http://www.metaspoon.com/gas-station-pu ... 1aur3599tA