Joke of the Day

[Black Orchid]

I started out in Yahoo chat rooms (VERY different to Yahoo message boards) in around 1998. I met some life long friends from the USA and UK and we visit each other and stay in touch by phone.

The funniest people in the chat rooms were the Pakistanis who cruised around looking for cyber sex. They would PM you and say "show me your breats".

Always "breats". Dunno how they lost the s but most of us were in voice chat at the time and would warn the others. The Pakis had a shocking reputation and they could fool people at times but only until they typed "breats"

[boxy]

I put on my robe and wizard hat

[Black Orchid]

Boxy in his wizard's hat

[Neferti]

I am not sure what boxy is referring to but he seems to have a thing about wizards and their hats recently. Are you advertising something boxy? Is your old "farm hat" about to be replaced? It does look a little tatty.

I must admit that you would look a bit jovialmonkish (or even aussieterish) wearing one of these while rounding up sheep.

[boxy]

"I put on my robe and wizard hat" is a memeish thing from a few years ago, where some guy trolls cyber-sexers, the most famous being a "dungeons and dragons" type rollplay stuff, where he's a wizard.

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

-------------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

--------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

[Neferti]

Wellhung was more believable than the Ninja turtle .....

[Neferti]

TYRONE

None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity and clumsiness, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "You're driving me mad, Tyrone.”

One day Tyrone's mom came to school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told his mom honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career.

The mom was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit , relocating to Cleveland .

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an almost incurable cardiac disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome young doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but quickly died .

The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. Then he turned around and saw our friend Tyrone, a janitor in the Clinic, who had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner.

Don't tell me you thought Tyrone became a heart-surgeon.

Well, maybe you did if you voted for Obama

[skippy]

An elderly couple decide to move in together after having a short romance. Being old school they had never ventured further than some kissing and cuddling.
The male says to his new found love " now that we are moving in together I guess we should discuss sex and how often you may enjoy it?"

The female said " I enjoy it infrequently"

The male said " is infrequently one or two words?"

[Neferti]

The Cork

Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room, taking a shower after their bomb making class in Melbourne, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his bum!

'If you don't mind my asking...' said the second,

'That cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?'

'I regret I cannot...' lamented the first Arab.

'It is permanently stuck in my bum.'

'I do not understand,' said the other.

The first Arab says...

'I was walking along Gratiot Street , and tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke and a huge old man with a white beard, dressed in a
St Kilda footy jumper, thongs and an Akubra hat, came boiling out.

He said... 'I am Captain Aussie, the Genie, I can grant you one wish.'

I said... 'No shit?'...

[Neferti]

There is a suburb in Canberra called BRUCE ... named after former prime minister Stanley Melbourne Bruce, who occupied the highest office in the land between 1923 and 1929. Though, judging by a recent meme doing the rounds in Canberra, some might be forgiven for thinking former US sports star Bruce (now Caitlyn) Jenner has something to do with it.