32 worst exam howlers of all time
As this year's top exam howlers are revealed, we round up the funniest bloopers from students' end-of-year tests
After spending long hours marking examination scripts, lecturers welcome the chance of some light relief – especially if it comes in the form of an answer paper howler
Every year university lecturers submit a series of silly answer papers to the Times Higher Education magazine's exam howlers competition.
This year's crop - including describing Hitler's role in World War Two as "overlooked" and saying the hole in the ozone layer is caused by "arseholes" - have had teachers up and down the country in stitches.
Whether intentional, mistaken or simply a bid to make their teachers laugh, we round up the worst howlers of all time.
1. The first cells were probably…?
Lonely.
2. Suggest one reason why it is a good idea to collect data by asking the public to observe when conkers open:
So the government doesn’t have to do it.
3. What do the following chemical equations stand for - HCOONa:
Matata.
4. Write an example of a risk:
This.
5. When should a motorist use his or her bright beams?
When he wants to be an asshole
6. Why are there rings on Saturn?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it
7. Give a brief explanation of the meaning of the term ‘hard water’:
Ice
8. What is the process for separating a mixture of chalk and sand?
A process called flirtation
9. What is methane?
Methane is a smelly greenhouse gas which is produced when trees and/or cows are burned.
10. What is the meaning of the term ‘activation energy’?
It’s what is needed to get me up in the morning.
11. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. Explain:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children,Cain,asked, ‘Am I my brother’s son?’
12. Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
13. To change centimetres to metres, you…?
Take out centi.
14. What is a vibration?
There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960s.
15. Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements:
Learning to speak Latin.
16. What is meant by the term ‘hermaphrodite’?
Lady GaGa.
17. What do we call the science of classifying living things?
Racism.
18. A star in the sky suddenly brightens to many times its original brightness and then fades gradually over the next several years. Hypothesise what happened in terms of a star’s life cycle:
It just had a hot flash and is probably going through menopause.
19. What is sexual bullying?
Punching someone in the vagina.
20. Write two hundred thousand in figures:
Two hundred thousand in figures.
21. What is the main reason for Divorce?
Marriage.
22. If you threw a red stone into a Blue Sea, what will it become?
Simply, a wet stone
23. Brian has 50 slices of cake. He eats 48. What has he now?
Diabetes.
24. Explain why phosphorus trichloride is polar:
God made it that way.
25. A 1km sized asteroid is discovered…
Send Bruce Willis.
26. How is the brain like a cantaloupe? List seven ways.
It is delicious.
27. What happens to your body as you age?
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
28. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes:
A premature death.
29. How can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep it in the cow.
30. What is a fibula?
A small lie.
31. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’:
The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
32. What is a turbine?
Something an Arab or a Shriek wears on his head.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/un ... -time.html
