He's not in a good mood either, has turned his phone off and has told staff that he doesn't wish to speak to anyone if anyone calls.
Feeling sorry for himself for neglecting his health I guess.
Fair enough, I wouldn't be happy with myself either if I were in his situation.
He told staff that he feels as though he's let everyone down, especially his kids and grandaughter.
DAMNED RIGHT HE HAS!!!!
My focus has been on holding the fort, but now I need to start thinking about making certain arrangements.
Sadly.
I have to tell the kids and his mother + family that the bypass surgery has been cancelled and may not even be rescheduled.
His kidneys would either fail on the table or shortly afterwards so there's no point.
His kidneys are already failing and he hasn't even got to theatre.
So....
I am sad and pissed off, because I know how unsettling this will be for all the kids, even my youngest who adores him and sees him as a uncle and male role model, even gives him father's day cards + gifts.
My eldest daughter and my grandaughter will be lost without him, and I will do my best to fill a huge void left in their lives but I know this is going to be a rough ride.
I am probably the luckiest one of us all, as I'll be too busy to dwell on his passing, will be too busy taking care of the kids, but this isn't to understate how I'm now feeling faced with the likelihood of losing one of my oldest and best friends, even if he infuriates me with his neglectful ways.
Worst of all, it was me who told him that one day he'll be too lazy to take his own last breaths.
I meant it, and still do.
His selfishness and laziness were what decimated our marriage back then, and now it's about to prematurely shatter the lives of his kids and my youngest daughter who shouldn't be faced with this, the knowledge that their fathers passing was something that had he'd listened to medical advice, could have been prevented.
His mother is an absolute mess, and she's prayed the same prayer all parents do, which is to not have to bury their own children.
It's not meant to be this way, and again, I have to pick up the pieces and somehow do this without anger or contempt in my heart.
Kid's are resilient and they'll be ok, I'll keep them busy and we have our faith
to get them through, it's the bigger one's I'm especially concerned about, particularly my eldest daughter who was rather dependent on him. Actually, was more of a codependency, but either way it's not looking optimistic.
Let's put it this way, if I were to be his surgeon, I wouldn't be authorising this to go ahead either, what would be the point?
Better to die from heart failure than renal failure.
