Ask Swami

[JW Frogen]

Ms. Hebe, if I were Lord of the Universe (I recently learned I was not; and don't even ask me about my bank balance) I would sentence you to eternal happiness.

[Hebe]

Thankee JW.

[Swami Dring]

Swam - I have a genuine question. My cousin told me that the first step to happiness is to not watch the news. Is she correct?

Your cousin has a point. I came to the same conclusion about ten years ago and stopped consuming mainstream news. However curiosity got the better of me before too long and I crawled back to the trough for a few more years until I discovered the net. Splosions, murders and train wrecks. It's anything but edifying, but the effect it has on happiness is only for the individual to assess. So much of what passes for news involves death &/or suffering, which is kind of odd. Why is that news? Is it unusual or remarkable? Hell no. However it caters to the average suburban galoots' desire to enjoy the fact that there are others much worse off than them. Also, the man presenting it has a strip of fabric hanging from his neck and a stern countenance, so it's The News and must be watched. The question is, do you groove on the suffering of others? If so, watch the news. If not, surf the net.

If she isn't, what is the first step?

Crivens, you're asking me? I'm a seething cauldron of rage. Well, not always, but often enough that I ain't the person to ask. Nevertheless, I have an "Aunt" who is a pretentious, miserable, judgemental fluffy bunny and a wife who is a genuinely kind-hearted, happy woman. "Auntie" is obsessed with money, the news, especially politics, and is terribly, hand-wringingly concerned about what other people think of her. Especially people whom she does not like!! And of course, the opinions held of her by these people are never articulated so all she can do is fret about what they might be thinking. Consider the sad absurdity of this predicament. My wife, on the other hand, watches the 6.00 news, but that's it as far as current affairs goes. She knows next to nothing about political goings-on, and is utterly unpretentious and indifferent to the opinions held of her by others. And it works for her big time. Also, she is not covetous. Covet at thy peril, says I.

(A subscription to ratemypoo is not really an option for me. On many levels.)

Happiness is not poo.

[Hebe]

I think Mrs Dring has cracked it. If you see what I mean. You lucky bastard.

[cynik]

Where hideth the dring these days?

[Hebe]

Where hideth the dring these days?

He got married.

[Jovial Monk]

"is obsessed with money, the news, especially politics, and is terribly, hand-wringingly concerned about what other people think of her. Especially people whom she does not like!! And of course, the opinions held of her by these people are never articulated so all she can do is fret about what they might be thinking. Consider the sad absurdity of this predicament."

Is that Auntie named Janette Howard? The social climber who wanted to stay in Kirribilly and enjoy the Harbor views and fuck the expense to the taxpayer? Who wanted to walpaper the jet carrying the Rodent to & fro Canberra in pure silk wallpaper at $250,000 or so? Sure sounds like her

[AiA in Atlanta]

Best to you and your nymph Swami but this isn't why I am writing. I have a more serious matter at hand: if Aussie were a newspaper the headline on Monday would read, "IQ is AiA," on Tuesday, "Super Nova is AiA," on Wednesday it would read, "Gwen is AiA," and so on. The Sunday edition would include every random guest stalker during the week with everyone else thrown in as me as well. Now if the headline read," Frogen weds AiA," I'd me mighty pleased because I like a good "moose knuckle" but as I light my pipe and put on my slippers I want to know if Aussie's invective would constitute "stalking"? If the answer is "yes" I will get on my knees and thank Allah.

[AiA in Atlanta]

Best to you and your nymph Swami but this isn't why I am writing. I have a more serious matter at hand: if Aussie were a newspaper the headline on Monday would read, "IQ is AiA," on Tuesday, "Super Nova is AiA," on Wednesday it would read, "Gwen is AiA," and so on. The Sunday edition would include every random guest stalker during the week with everyone else thrown in as me as well. Now if the headline read," Frogen weds AiA," I'd me mighty pleased because I like a good "moose knuckle" but as I light my pipe and put on my slippers I want to know if Aussie's invective would constitute "stalking"? If the answer is "yes" I will get on my knees and thank Allah.

Swami, I don't know if you remember me but I am the person with a black mustache and glasses I borrowed from Frogen who asked you a question. I know you are busy writing your memoirs but when you have a moment I would appreciate an answer. Otherwise I will have to wed Frogen and his moose knuckle.

[JW Frogen]

Otherwise I will have to wed Frogen and his moose knuckle.

Will you marry my Bullwinkle instead?