Those email jokes...

[boxy]

I asked a friend's daughter what she wanted to be, when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both her parents, Labor supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents beamed, and said, "Welcome to the Labor Party!"

"Wow...what a worthy goal!" I told her. I continued, "But, you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house, mow the lawn, pull weeds, sweep my drive and I'll pay you $25. Then, I'll take you over to the shop where the homeless guy sits outside. You can give him the $25 to use toward food."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the $25?"

I smiled and said “Welcome to the Liberal Party”

[boxy]

I have a question….

Nagasaki 1945, after the atomic bomb



Otsuchi 2011, following earthquake and tsunami



What the fuck is are those arches made of?

[Outlaw Yogi]

Stone/rock.

Received via phone text:

A woman went to a women's empowerment workshop. An Anglo Australian woman stood up and said "I was sick of Dennis lying around watching TV, so said "I'm not cooking or cleaning until you help around the house. On the first day I saw nothing. On the second day I still saw nothing. And on the third day, he'd washed up and vacuumed the carpet".
A Russian woman stood up and said "I was tired of Ivan spending all his time playing cards, so told him "I won't be cooking or cleaning unless you help around the house". On the first day I saw nothing. On the second day I saw no improvement. But on the third day he cleaned the fridge and cooked Goulash"
An Australian Aboriginal woman stood up, tumultuous applause. She said I was fed up with picking up Jack's bear cans after he got back from the dole office, so said "I will not do any cooking or cleaning if you don't help around the house". On the first day I saw nothing. On the second day I saw nothing again. But on the third day I could see a little bit out of the right eye"

[Super Nova]

What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

[boxy]

I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Sydney .

I think it should be the goal of every Australian to be tolerant.

Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.

We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."

Next door should be a butcher shop that specialises in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called " Iraq o' Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called " Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."

All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.

[boxy]

tentembassy.gif

[boxy]

What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?
Follow the captain

When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course."

[boxy]

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les's
wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit
back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les's wife
followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness,
Jim admitted that he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £200.'
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs
of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf on Friday
afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2PM. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les's house at 2PM. sharp
and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £200 - they went to the bedroom, and closed their
transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Les came home from golf at 6pm. And upon arriving, asked his
wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a
few minutes this afternoon.
' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And
did he give you £200?'


Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did
give me £200.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
'He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed £200 from me. He promised he'd stop by our
house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player.