Rowan Dean really funny and so true..

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https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/ ... ca72afc7e2

I WAS delighted to hear that Bill Shorten is going to give us a ­National Integrity Commission.

After all, if anybody is an ­expert on how politicians evade scrutiny, misuse taxpayers’ money, turn the system to their personal ­advantage, betray the trust of their colleagues, indulge in dodgy deals to help their mates, say one thing to the public but do the complete opposite behind closed doors, and rip off the working classes then it would have to be Bill Shorten.


Rowan Dean.
So let’s get cracking, because there are plenty of areas in the world of politics where integrity is in very short supply.

Mostly courtesy of the luvvies, in my opinion, which might come as a shock to all the luvvies on the new commission.

But first, let’s get the name right. In NSW, the Independent Commission Against Corruption’s name was shortened to ICAC.

This sounds uncomfortably like “I cack”, which is what most people do to themselves whenever they are summonsed to appear before it.

This is because with all these Star Chambers you are automatically guilty even if you’re innocent.

(Just ask Margaret Cunneen, Mike Gallagher, Barry O’Farrell, Nick Greiner, Bill Leak, the four QUT students etc.)

Similarly, the National ­Integrity Commission will ­become known as the NIC, with victims saying — like cockney crims — “Cor blimey, I’ve been Nic’ed”.

Here’s my suggestion. Let’s honour Mr Shorten and call it the Short-on Integrity Commission. At least that’s accurate, plus it’s a cool acronym — SIC — that’ll appeal to Millennials. (“Man, I’ve been done for corruption! Sic!”)


Artwork: John Tiedemann
But what should the Short-on Integrity Commission investigate? Here’s my Top Seven Short-on Integrity complaints.

1. The climate change hoax: My electricity bill arrived the other day and although I use far less energy than I did three years ago, and I have heart failure if anyone even dares look at the airconditioning remote, my bill has tripled.

How can it cost more than a grand to run a dishwasher and a couple of light bulbs? Clearly, there is gross political incompetency and ideological corruption hard at work here.

When even the Chief Scientist ­admits Australia can do nothing to lower global temperatures, why are politicians allowed to get away with lying to us that renewables can replace coal and that we are combating climate change? Both propositions are demonstrably false. Off to the Integrity Commission with the lot of you!


Bill Shorten is going to give us a ­National Integrity Commission. Picture: Kym Smith
2. Indigenous Affairs: Another con job. Australians spend billions helping disadvantaged Aborigines but it appears to make no difference and instead all we get is calls for our fine nation to be burned to the ground.

Not much integrity there. Where’s the money going and why should we keep paying if it doesn’t do any good?

3. Overseas aid: This stinks to high heaven and has got lefty dodgy thinking and a corruption of Aussie values written all over it. We can’t afford to look after our elderly, yet we spend billions building schools in far-flung joints for religious whack-jobs; millions on useless pot-holed roads for our Pacific neighbours; and millions go to tin pot islands who’ve told us they’re sinking under the waves even though our own minister admits there is no evidence of it.

We sponsor sneering, Aussie-hating celebs who wander around the globe slagging us off; we promote ­oppressive hijab fashion shows; we tip hundreds of millions into the Clinton Foundation and — hey presto — a former PM gets a cushy international job; we chuck hard-earned tax-dollars at do-gooder outfits that end up in the hands of Palestinian terrorists; and on and on it goes.

Who allows these scams to continue and why do we let them?

4. Defence procurement 1: We spend $50 billion on submarines that a) will be obsolete before they’re built, b) are designed to be nuclear but will have to be “refitted” to be diesel even though that will render them useless, and c) we don’t have $50 billion anyway, ­remember? We’re up to our eyeballs in debt. Bring in the Integrity Commissioners!

5. Defence procurement 2: As reported yesterday, we’re spending $17 billion on air force planes that can’t shoot straight and can only fly if the pilot is a beefy bloke. At the same time, we are spending millions recruiting a “diverse” group of girls and transsexuals into our defence forces because they’re not typical beefy blokes. Doesn’t add up.

MORE ROWAN DEAN

►Invasion of the days

►Australians should co-pay for healthcare

►Power prices reach withering heights

6. “Unconscious bias”: This intellectually fraudulent, racist lefty philosophy, espoused by our top public servant, means you get the high-paying government job even if there is someone more qualified than you — so long as they’re a white Anglo-Saxon male and you’re not. Sick, indeed.

7. The unions: Why don’t they pay any tax? And how come they get away with doing deals with big businesses that disadvantage workers? Let’s call in the Short-on Integrity Commission.

WE’RE STUCK IN A PC MORE
A reader sent me a clip of Bob Hawke cracking a joke on live TV on the 30th anniversary of our America’s Cup victory. Part of the strangeness was that Hawkie was joking with Alan Bond; in the 1980s the darling of the ­nation.

How times change!

Also, Bob was sporting a bizarre ’80s-style jacket, which made subsequent outfits such as Howard’s trackie dacks, Abbott’s Speedos or Turnbull’s leather jacket look pretty tame.

But it was the joke itself that was so telling. Doing a foreign “native savage” voice, Bob jokes about three white men who trespass on a sacred site and are given one last wish before being skinned alive.

It’s a great “Aussie larrikin” gag, worth checking out on YouTube, so I won’t spoil the punchline. Bob told it to hearty laughter only four years ago.

Today, I imagine he’d be skinned alive on Twitter and forced into a grovelling apology. “Highly offensive! Racist! Inappropriate!”, they’d scream. Just as, last week, lefties ­denounced another ’80s luminary, “Crocodile Dundee”, as racist and sexist.

It’s difficult not to notice, every time you go to open your mouth these days, how far we have sunk into the bog of political correctness.

ALP MAKES FALLING UPWARD AN ART FORM
Well, at least the Labor Party is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to amusingly recycling failed ex-pollies.

On Monday they announced that Kristina Keneally, the delightful blonde who was booted out of the NSW premiership in the biggest landslide defeat in decades, and who spectacularly failed to win the seat of Bennelong despite a high TV profile and a massive campaign, was being given a seat in our federal parliament without bothering with any voters at all.

She was simply appointed by Labor to replace disgraced Senator Sam Dastyari — a lucrative and powerful position Kristina’s been presented without a single ballot box being troubled by her elevation. Nice work if you can get it.

I was still enjoying the irony of Keneally (the beneficiary of Eddie Obeid’s backroom deals, according to former Premier Nathan Rees) replacing Sam Dastyari (the backroom deal-maker whom Keneally apparently threatened to sue over comments he made about her relationship with the same Mr Obeid), when up popped the news that another colossal failure, former federal treasurer Wayne Swan, is angling to be Labor’s next national president.

Oh please! It’ll be so much fun


is this guy on TV?>..he should be!

[Black Orchid]

The Hawke joke ..

[Black Orchid]

Never heard of Rowan Dean before today but looked him up. His Poor ME list ...

Fresh in the annals of outrage, here's the winners of whingeing

A nation which has raised taking offence to an art form deserves recognition. Here they are: the 2016 Poor Me Awards.

1. Sheik Waleed Logy: A high rating member of every Poor Me List compiled since its inception yesterday morning, this much-loved TV host, radio host, newspaper columnist, political commentator, terrorism expert, Boko Haram apologist, Hot Glossy Magazine Cover Boy and all-round Top Dude who also happens to be married to a Hot Glossy Magazine Cover Headscarf-Wearing Top Chick has finally clawed his way to the very top of the Poor Me list. The judges were particularly moved by the way the tears flowed spectacularly in the audience during his 2016 Golden Alie Acceptance Speech as Mr Logy fought back his own tears and pointed out how horrendous and oppressive it is to be a Muslim in today's redneck, racist, xenophobic, Islamophobic, intolerant Australia. Poor Me Rating: 11 stars.

2. Adam Baddes: Forced to change his name because the Good Life he presumed he was entitled to had in fact turned out to be really, really Bad thanks to endemic racism, xenophobia, intolerance etc (see above), this hugely talented sportsman and elite athlete soared to national prominence in 2013 when a five-year-old girl poked her tongue out at him and wiggled her fingers in front of her nose, thereby suggesting that Mr Baddes was descended from an obscure species of Bonobo that once thrived in the Serengeti (as indeed we all are.) Not content with having the girl put under house arrest and humiliated for life, Mr Baddes was appointed Australian of the Year and National Treasure in quick succession. The judges were particularly impressed by Mr Baddes' heartfelt attempts to express goodwill and unite the nation by throwing imaginary spears at crowds of onlookers and by his Australia Day speech in which he poured scorn on all privileged, white, male, Anglo-Saxon, non-indigenous Australians. 10 stars.

5. Stan "Don't-take-me-for" Granted: A last-minute entrant to the Poor Me List, Mr Granted has a genuinely impressive career and credentials as a top TV news reporter, both here and overseas. Mr Granted shot to long-overdue leftie prominence in late 2015 when, after years of ignoring him, the Luvvies finally sat up and noticed he has Aboriginal ancestry. 5 stars.

6. Nova Peris-Backbone: Top Olympian and role-model to Indigenous girls, Ms Backbone was more surprised than anybody when former Prime Minister Julia "La" Grillard decided that as an Indigenous female Ms Backbone should a) be catapulted into the Labor Party and b) be catapulted into the Senate despite having no interest in either. With Ms Backbone happily immersing herself in the senatorial largesse provided by mainstream taxpayers, the judges were hugely impressed by her tearful announcement that the only people worthy of criticising her are Indigenous women. 8 stars.

7. Julia "La" Grillard: Patron saintess of the Poor Me Awards, this former lawyer and leading feminist struggled with her boyfriend to buy and renovate her own home before being catapulted to national fame by stabbing her male colleague in the back, stealing his job and then getting sacked because she was useless at it. 12 stars.

The rest are here ...


http://www.afr.com/opinion/columnists/f ... 526-gp4q4h

[cods]

he is very spot on isnt he... paywall on that link black orchid..

[Super Nova]

The Hawke joke ..

Good joke..... well told like only bob could.

[Black Orchid]

Here are the others ...

3. Brigadier-General David Morriscorn: Having toiled in the Australian Armed Forces in total obscurity for decades without having made any impression on anyone whatsoever, Leftie-Lieutenant Morriscorn was catapulted into national prominence when he went viral on youtube after reading a speech written by somebody else. A keen Star Wars fan, the General's greatest military achievement was defeating the dreaded Jedi Council by firing every soldier who'd ever received a raunchy email, which rightly earned him the lucrative twin jobs of Diversity Guru and Aussie of the Year. The judges were mightily impressed by his catchphrase, "The salary you walk past is the salary you miss out on" and his Australia Day speech in which he poured scorn on all privileged, white, male, Anglo-Saxon, non-indigenous, heteronormative, transphobic Australians. (something of a pattern developing here? - ed) 7 stars.

4. Jane Carob: Leading feminist, advertising guru, copywriter, novelist, newspaper columnist, TV chat-show personality and all-round Top Sheila, Ms Carob earned the undying respect of the judges through her determination to endlessly complain that professional women in Australia suffer from endemic sexism and misogyny courtesy of privileged, white, male (OK, OK, we get it – ed.) 6 stars.

[cods]

The Hawke joke ..

Good joke..... well told like only bob could.

would it pass todays politically correct though sn thats the point..I wonder what mothra would say....dont tell me..

its only a joke..

[Black Orchid]

What if it was Howard that told that joke?

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What if it was Howard that told that joke?

oh god the racist brigade would be still talking about it...

in fact maybe we should talk about now its come up!

we all now times have changed but look what they do to Enid Blyton... of iots good enough for her to be challenged why not robert?

[Neferti]

Rowan Dean (and Ross Cameron) run the Sky TV Show "The Outsiders" .... in opposition to the ABCs "Insiders". Very good.